


Double the hearts

by red_slipper (Shiba_K)



Category: Doctor Who (2005), Doctor Who RPF
Genre: F/M, Hidden Feelings, Light Angst, RPF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-30
Updated: 2017-10-30
Packaged: 2019-01-26 17:03:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12562064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shiba_K/pseuds/red_slipper
Summary: On a quiet evening, Jenna wonders if Peter has a second heart hidden away.





	Double the hearts

**Author's Note:**

> Maybe I dreamed it, but I could swear an interview with these two appeared right after the San Diego Comic Con for FOX in which Peter said something about double the hearts, double the love. I have tried to find it, but with little success. Anyway, that was my inspiration for this little fic.
> 
> Also, this is my first time writing and posting RPF. If you don't like it, don't read it.
> 
> Please forgive any mistakes as English is not my first language.

Peter was barely aware of the low hum coming from the TV. The words spoken by the characters of the short period drama formed a blur that his tired mind refused to translate into proper sentences. He had stopped listening about five minutes in, right at the moment when Jenna had curled up against his side, arms wrapped around her knees and her head resting on his left shoulder as they sat on his large and extremely comfortable sofa. 

It had been another long day of shooting. This entire week had dragged on to the point that even his and Jenna’s energies had been sapped to the point that they only exchanged a few half-hearted verbal jabs during breaks, a far cry from their normal constant chatter. 

But it was finally Friday night and as soon as they had stepped out of the Cardiff studios, they had unanimously decided to barricade themselves in his flat, get take out, put on a mindless drama and simply not think about anything. Something that was working wonders for Peter’s tired mind. 

They were slowly but surely nearing the end of the series. Weekends were beginning to be barely long enough for him to replenish his energy while the cat naps between takes had increased in frequency. Peter also suspected that he was still feeling the effects of their side trip to the San Diego comic con. Which had been total blast, though the jet-lag had nearly killed him. 

Thank god he had Jenna to drag him through moments like those and remind him to catch up on sleep. 

Jenna.

Nearing the end of shooting series 9 also meant that they were nearing the day of their official goodbye. He had been dreading that day since they had started shooting all those months ago. That was why on evenings like these he promised himself to ban any thoughts of Jenna’s impending departure from his mind. 

Much better was to let the comforting warmth emanating from her body and her steady breathing lull him into a state of half-sleep where little else registered aside from her gentle presence and the indistinguishable murmur of voices in the background. Perfect. 

So, when he felt Jenna press her hand over his sternum, he barely stirred. 

Her moving her hand to his left upper chest however was odd enough to make him crack open one bleary eye. The look on her face was one of pure concentration. Peter had seen it before on the rare occasions they did manage to get some work done. A little frown line would form between her eyebrows and that adorable pout of her lips always managed to make him smile. 

He followed her movements silently, becoming himself intrigued by Jenna’s studious exploration of the area above his heart. 

When her hand shifted to lay on his left ribs Peter cracked open his other eye.

And when Jenna laid her hear over his sternum his eyebrows almost met his hairline. 

‘Jenna,’ he murmured, voice rumbling and scratchy with fatigue. 

She shushed him, but otherwise remained quiet.

Was she…?

Peter shifted slightly, his right arm lowering from behind his head to his thigh where his hand twitched. 

‘What are you doing?’ he asked after a momentary hesitation. 

‘Listening,’ she answered. 

A nervous laugh escaped from Peter’s lips. 

‘What? To my heart?’ 

Which he knew had started to beat just a little bit faster in the last minute or so for reasons he tried not to contemplate too much. She had to have heard the change in pace of his treacherous organ. 

He felt the movement of Jenna’s head as she nodded against his chest. 

‘Why?’ he wondered as confusion replaced in part the amused curiosity he had initially felt.

Jenna raised her head then, looking him straight in the eyes with her dark gaze. A shadow of something passed through those eyes, but it disappeared before Peter could figure out exactly what it was. It had not escaped him either how her small hands had gone back to rest on his chest, one on the left side of his breastbone and the other just off to the right, exactly where one might have expected a second heart to be. 

‘Because sometimes I wonder whether you really might have two hearts,’ she explained quietly, almost whispering her confession. 

His surprise must have registered on his face because Jenna glanced away, a blush spreading from her cheeks down to her neck. 

He was rather unsure of what to say so he tried to lighten the mood, turning his response into a small joke. 

‘You know I just pretend to be a Time Lord, right?’

But if Peter’s words had meant to lighten the strange atmosphere in his living room, they had the opposite effect on Jenna who flushed even more. ‘I know,’ she ground out, only meeting his blue eyes when he squeezed her left hand in silent reassurance that there was nothing for her to feel embarrassed about. She read it in his eyes too: confusion, curiosity and yes, a little bit of amusement, but mostly kindness and patience. 

‘It’s … silly, really. Sorry, don’t mind me,’ she said, shaking her hand and making a move to shift away from him. Peter stopped her by tugging at the hand he had previously squeezed and placing it back over his heart, his thumb gently caressing the back of it. Jenna watched their hands for a moment before raising her eyes when Peter spoke. 

‘It’s not silly if it has been bothering you for a while.’

God, it never seized to amaze her how this man could read her like an open book if he so wanted to. 

‘Jenna?’ 

His voice cut through her trance and she became conscious that she had been staring at him silently for the last few moments while she was lost in thoughts about him. 

‘Sorry,’ Jenna said, ‘got lost in my own thoughts for a moment there.’

A quip about her holding on to his hand so she couldn’t get lost in the future was on the tip of Peter’s tongue, but he sensed that Jenna was not in the mood for their sometimes more flirtatious banter. Instead, he motioned for her to resume her position tucked against his side, his left arm wrapping around her and he stroked her arm in an offer of comfort as he waited for her to gathered her thoughts. 

‘Sometimes I think that you have a second heart tucked away somewhere because of all the kindness, passion, humility, patience and caring and compassion and – and I could go on like this for a while – that you show everyday toward the people around you that … I don’t know. It just makes sense, I guess, for you to have two hearts.’

She aimed for lightheartedness as she laughed in embarrassment at her little fantasy, but the sound died in her throat when she caught Peter’s impenetrable gaze. If he could read her like a book, there were times when Jenna wished she could do the same, especially in situations like these where he retreated behind a wall, his thoughts and feelings becoming his alone. 

While she felt completely exposed. 

‘Remember what I said in that interview,’ Peter spoke quietly, ‘ _Double the hearts, double the love_ ,’ quoting himself. 

Jenna nodded. That whole interview had been one of the most memorable ones, with them goofing around and Peter throwing those little flirtatious jokes between one question and the other. Yeah, she remembered his words. They had been what had sparked her fantasy in the first place. But what concerned her, was the absence of warmth from his voice as he spoke, while in its place she detected an edge of sadness. 

Suddenly she didn’t feel so tired anymore as worry niggled at the back of her mind. 

‘You know I hate it when you do this,’ Jenna said softly, breaking away from his gaze to watch how Peter turned over her hand and began to trace the lines of her palm. She missed the sad smile he gave her. 

‘I know, I’m sorry, it’s just… what you said, about the two hearts- it… I didn’t think you wanted to be privy of what went through this old head.’

She looked up then and saw something in his eyes that made her realize they were starting to stray into territory that they usually and very carefully skirted around. If they became aware of almost crossing the invisible line regarding the subject of their incredible chemistry, one or both of them would back away. A small quip, an awkward laugh and they would silently agree to steer the conversation onto safer topics

But they were straying into it now. And maybe it was the late hour, or perhaps that she was still surrounded by Peter’s warm and comforting embrace, or maybe she was just growing tired of all this skirting around the issue, but whatever the reason Jenna did not drop the issue. 

‘What if I wanted to?’

Peter tensed though he did not stop caressing her hand. He wondered briefly who he was really trying to comfort with that gesture, him or the woman currently forcing him to be honest about things. Because thinking about it was dangerous, let alone _talk_ about it, _out loud_ , and it sent his mind into overdrive. But Jenna always had a calming influence over him, even when she was the cause for his turmoil. 

They held each other’s gazes for a long moment, Jenna watching with fascination the way Peter’s blue eyes changed color as he ruminated over his words.

‘Jenna, Jenna, Jenna, Jenna,’ Peter began his eyes flitting over her face almost as if he was committing it to memory before returning to hers, wide and apprehensive, and he sighed her name one last time.

‘God, Jenna, if- if I had two hearts… You have to know…’ he looked pleadingly to her, unable to find the words to finish his sentence and willing her to silently understand what he could not admit out loud.

_One of them would be yours_.

The words hung, unspoken and heavy, between them. Neither brave enough to break the silence, but also powerless to let go of the other. 

Jenna’s heart was hammering inside her chest while her stomach churned unpleasantly to the point she feared she might be sick. But not even that could drown out the blaring warning bells going off inside her head telling her to run away, hide, anything to stop staring into those everchanging eyes that were gazing back at her full of emotion and making her want to say things back that would only complicate matters further. 

She didn’t know where she found the strength to sever the connection between them, and it physically hurt to turn away and curl up with her knees against her chest and her arms wrapped protectively around her bent legs. 

Peter let out a long breath next to her and she could hear him scrub his hands over his face, but she didn’t dare to look, a confession still burning too hotly on her tongue to trust herself if they locked eyes again. 

Several moments of utter silence passed between them, both of them staring at nothing, least of all the characters moving on the TV screen. 

It was Peter who finally broke the silence.

‘Jenna…’

His hand hovered above her shoulder, its heat searing her skin even through her clothes, and Jenna wanted to weep at the thought that her best friend was now hesitating to carry out even a simple touch like lying a comforting hand on her shoulder. 

She knew it had been a stupid idea from the beginning. She should never have let herself entertain the thought of Peter and his two hearts. More importantly, she should never have pushed him to talk about his feelings. Stupid, stupid, Jenna, she scolded herself.

‘I’m sorry, Peter,’ Jenna interrupted him, ‘I shouldn’t have asked. I think I should probably go,’ she said quietly, and despite all of her experience as an actress she knew that he had heard the shake in her voice. She really needed to go, now.

When she tried to push herself off from the couch, however, Jenna found Peter’s hand wrapped around her upper arm gently holding her in place. His grip was light and, if she had really wanted to, she could have easily shrugged him off, but the fact that he was touching her was enough to make stop and her glance at him. 

What she saw made her swallow against the sudden lump rising in her throat. 

Peter’s solemn face suddenly seemed much more haggard than ten minutes ago, the circles underneath his eyes just a little darker, the lines in his face a little deeper, yet his eyes were shining with all the feelings that neither of them would ever be able to speak out loud and Jenna found that she couldn’t move, could barely breathe with the intensity of what she saw in his eyes. 

‘Please don’t go, Jenna. I don’t want you to be alone right now, not after _this_.’

‘Peter, I-’ Jenna hesitated, unsure of what she really wanted to say, giving him the chance to interrupt her before she could figure it out.

‘Please Jenna, even if it is only my friendship, allow me to at least give you that,’ Peter slid his hand from her arm down to her hand and gently wrapped his fingers around hers, ‘and comfort my best friend after upsetting her.’ 

He cracked a smile and even though Jenna could see that it was strained, she couldn’t help but answer it with her own slightly watery smile and give his fingers a thankful squeeze in return.

‘You have already given me everything and more, Peter. Don’t ever think you have somehow let me down because we are bound by circumstances out of our control. If this is all that you and I can have, then I intend to make the most of it.’

She shifted on the sofa, turning her entire body to face him and tenderly cupped his cheek. His smile this time was much more genuine. 

‘Peter, I _care_ too much about you to ever ask for more,’ she said firmly. She didn’t dare use the word love. It would always remain something left unspoken between them, just like their characters. The Doctor and Clara had to get their bad habits from somewhere, Jenna mused.

Peter surprised her then by enfolding the hand on his cheek between his larger ones and just as tenderly as her gesture he dropped a lingering kiss on her knuckles without breaking eye contact. Jenna tilted her head and pursed her lips in a sad smile as invisible strings tugged painfully at her heart. 

His gesture conveyed all those thoughts and feelings he would never have the courage to voice out loud, but still needed her to know, to understand, not the least his thankfulness toward her for not asking for anything more than he was free to give. It still hurt, yes, and he could see the same pain he felt in his chest reflected in her eyes and the curve of her smile, but at least now they knew it was a pain they shared. 

Perhaps a small consolation, but Peter would take it. But first that sad smile had to go.

‘Stop frowning, Jen, or Make Up will never be able to cover those lines.’ 

He watched the expression on Jenna’s face morph into one of feigned indignation, a sense of relief filling him as she caught onto his attempt at lifting the heavy mood that had descended around them. 

‘Hey,’ she spluttered, ‘look who’s talking, Mister Pot. They gave up a long time ago trying to hide yours!’ 

Jenna tried to pull her hand away from Peter’s, maintaining the façade of indignation even if she struggled to hide the tiny smile at Peter’s (repetitive if she might add) joke. But the man in question held on, tugging back. 

‘Come here,’ he beckoned her before letting go and holding his arm out. Shaking her head, Jenna, moved to snuggle once again against his side, Peter’s left arm wrapped protectively around her small frame. 

Somehow, despite the lingering weight of their wordless confessions, Jenna felt lighter and, even if it was mixed with a sense of resignation, at peace. She smiled properly for the first time that evening when she felt Peter drop a kiss to her hair. 

‘Next life, Jenna, I promise,’ Peter whispered and Jenna glanced up. ‘I’ll hold you to that,’ she replied and he laughed, knowing that she would find a way to do exactly that. 

They both knew it was pointless to be angry at circumstances and time that won’t allow them to be so much more. Instead, moments like these were what they should treasure, hidden safely from the rest of the world and theirs alone. Peter and Jenna smiled gently at each other, understanding flowing between them like it had since the very first moment they had met. 

So, no, Peter didn’t have a second heart hidden away somewhere inside his chest, but Jenna was content to know that maybe, in another life, she would get lucky enough to get the single one he did have. 

Fin


End file.
